As the sun dips below the horizon at Tvshka Homma, attendees of the candlelight vigil hold their lights to remember and honor the men and women who have been impacted by domestic violence.
Bancroft leads day of domestic abuse training
By Brandon Frye
Choctaw Nation of Oklahoma
Durant, Okla.- The Choctaw Nation hosted a day-long workshop meant to train and prepare victims of domestic abuse as well as the professionals who help them in Durant on Sept. 19. The event was held leading into October’s Domestic Violence Awareness Month, when the Choctaw Nation will host events to bring the issue to light and support anyone impacted by domestic abuse.
Lundy Bancroft – who has more than 20 years of experience training professionals to intervene with male perpetrators of violence and supporting healing and empowerment for abused women – led the workshop, which was based around his book “Why Does He Do That?”
“We are dealing with a problem that’s really profound, and communities keep underestimating it,” Bancroft said. “The question of why doesn’t she leave is really much better asked: what is it about our community that makes it so hard for her to be away from the abuser, and what can we change in our communities to make it possible?”
Advocates and specialists from across the state spent the day exploring answers to such questions. Representatives from organizations such as Child Welfare, Young Women’s Christian Association (YWCA), and the office of the Oklahoma Attorney General were among those who gathered to spend the day sharing insight during activities. Representatives from Native programs including the Muscogee (Creek) “Warriors Honor Women” attended alongside individuals from Choctaw programs such as Project Safe and the Family Violence Prevention program.
Chief Gary Batton signs a Domestic Violence Proclamation, officially recognizing that domestic violence is a very serious issue, and showing he and the tribe will support domestic violence awarness, as well as the advocates and workers who serve victims.
It is the first time in the Choctaw Nation history for a Chief to sign such a proclamation. Chief Batton announced that next October, the Nation will be wearing purple every Thursday to show support.
“Lundy came into the Choctaw Nation and worked with the Choctaw Nation advocates, community partners, and anyone who may come across domestic violence. We invited the whole community, as well as our employees, so they could benefit from the workshop,” Davania Wesley, Victim’s Advocate with the Choctaw Nation and event organizer, said.
One of the biggest teaching points of the event was the victim’s right to be treated as a human, and abusers ignoring these rights.
“Not only is it just wrong that they are treated like this, but it is their right to be treated better,” Wesley said. “Maybe they don’t feel like they have any rights, they are just trying to survive day to day, but we have to build up a mind frame that they can and should be treated with respect and dignity.”
As for why an abuser chooses to abuse, Nicole Schell-Loper, Project Safe Coordinator for the Choctaw Nation and event attendee, said, “There are many different answers, depending on the abuser, but in a nutshell, they want control of you, they like that power and control, and they have a low self-esteem.”
Wesley said the assistance programs with the Choctaw Nation make it a goal to help clients with every aspect, with every need. She said if one person cannot help, the worker or advocate can give the client resources and refer them to a program which can help.
“I want to let them know that they have rights and need to continue to protect themselves and can call us, or drop by any of the offices,” Wesley said.
She listed the ways in which the Choctaw Nation offers aid to individuals escaping or recovering from domestic abuse. She said, “we try to help with their shelter, we provide transportation to the shelter, we give them legal information, we help them file protective orders, we offer a lot of resources and referrals of other services to help them with housing, social services, getting a GED, attending a vocational school or college.
“Statistically, men don’t report it. But girls can be emotionally or verbally abusive, and if they are physically abusive, usually a guy won’t feel physically threatened, or they don’t want to report it because they don’t want to tell a police officer.
“What I do, right now, I go into the schools and talk about domestic violence, teen dating violence, sexual assault, and stalking prevention. So I go through grades five through college and explain what healthy relationships are and which are not, and we talk about the early warning signs.
“When the jealousy takes over, and you have to ask someone to change because of that jealousy, that’s a big red flag.
“A lot of these women, if they are not being physically assaulted, they might not realize it is abuse, especially if they grew up in a household with abuse.”
The community is asked to support domestic violence awareness at the Victims Assistance walk in Hugo on October, 22. For more information regarding this event, please call the Choctaw Nation at (800) 522-6170 and ask for the Choctaw Family Services group.